#AtoZChallenge : Hiraeth
I fidget with the keys as I wonder if I can do this. It has been a while now and I know that I should have gotten used to it. But it is hard and I know that it will always be hard. I make up my mind and I tell myself that I can do this. I fidget with the keys some more before I finally open the door.
A wave of emptiness washes over me. An empty house welcomes me. Yes, that it is what is- an empty house bereft of any love. A place I once called home but is no longer so. For without you, I am left homeless. All this is just brick and mortar.
As I walk in, I’m greeted by memories of you for memories are all I have. From putting my comfort before yours when I first came here to standing by the door waving me a goodbye when you left on that fateful day – all those moments come back to me. How would I have known that when you bid goodbye to me that day, you were bidding goodbye to me forever? How would I know that it was the last of your smiles, that
it was the last time I could embrace you? If I would have known, I would have never let you go.
I can’t live here anymore. I feel imprisoned by the loneliness that gnaws at me every moment. All I need is an escape like the one we’d planned. Though we were bound to work on something that we didn’t like, we knew that it wouldn’t be long. The busy, monotonous life in the city was definitely not what we wanted. We’d planned to travel, to see the world, to live in a place where we felt home – where work was what we loved to do and happiness was how we really felt. But we pushed our plans for later – until we were better equipped financially, until the practicalities were all taken care of. Life had its own plans.
I’m left here without you, without a place to call home. I’m left with dreams, that can never be real for those were the dreams that we dreamed together. I know I can’t stay here. But where shall I go? I’m in search of a home that can never be mine. Shall I then undertake the journey that we had planned? It doesn’t feel right without you but that’s the only way I can think of – to find a place that I can call home. Hiraeth.
Hiraeth : a longing for a home you can’t return to, or one that was never yours.
Origin : Welsh
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I’m participating in the A to Z Challenge again this year. This is my third time participating in the challenge. I’m going with the theme of “Rare, unusual and beautiful words from various languages” .