And I pressed “Send”

And before I knew it, I had hit send! “Your mail has been sent. View message” flashed on the screen. But I didn’t bother to check it. Reason? I didn’t want to. I was tired of doing it and I’d lost all hope. I was tired of having expectations and getting nothing in return. So I shut the lid of my laptop and went back to sleep. But sleep was hard to come by. I lay there awake in the middle of the night thinking. Thinking about the past, thinking about the present and tears began trickling down.
I wasn’t like this before. I was this happy girl who enjoyed life to the core. Be it studies or debates or music or dance I was at the top. And life was perfect. And then something happened and everything began to fall apart. Nothing seemed right. I’d lost hope. I’d lost my faith in everything and everyone. I’d lost all that I had. I survived because on that unlucky day I was out of town promoting my first book when a calamity had taken away all my loved ones. The day that was supposed to be one of my best ended up being the worst day of my life. I was left all alone to fend for myself. I had no where to go to. I didn’t want to live as I’d lost the reason I was living for. I thought of giving up my life as well. But then something stopped me- the values I’d been brought up with. I was never the one to give up and hence decided to live.
Now that I’d decided to live, the reality struck me hard. I’d no place to live and no one to take care of me. I was an engineering student who loved to write and hence the book. I was only half way through my engineering studies when the tragedy struck. I decided to give up my studies and begin looking for a job. But I found a Samaritan for me in the form of my aunt who took me to her house and agreed to look after me. But I didn’t like depending on others. I liked to do things on my own. I decided to continue writing with the hope that I’d be able to fend for myself.
But things don’t go the way you want them to. I was so upset that I couldn’t study nor could I write. I was depressed and shut myself away from the world. It took me more than month to come to terms with reality. I started going to college but that was just to keep myself. And when I wasn’t going to college, I started writing. I wrote a lot of stuff – poems, stories and all of it had one thing in common -my sorrow! But then no one would publish my work. I sent it to many publishers but every time the same response- a big NO!
It was 5 am now. I saw the laptop lying on my bedside. I’d mailed the script for a new novel to a publisher. I didn’t bother even to proof read it! I’d decided that this was going to be my last try. If this didn’t click, then I’d bid good bye to my writing. I’d clicked send even before I knew. I didn’t  have any expectations.

‘A few more days,
More sleepless nights.
Where are those bright rays?
The ones with hope and light lives?’

I couldn’t believe what I just read. I smiled after a long time. I also cried. This time they were tears of joy. My novel was going to be published !

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

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